For You.

                                                                

“I brood on the past, not

For the hope of seeing you again

Rising above the brown earth;

But, for the joy that your

 Memories give me.

I sit on the banks of Pachchini, not in

Anticipation of your return from the dust;

But for the vigorous river

That reminds me of you.

You may have got lost in a world,

Which my imprudent mind

May not comprehend,

But I feel you every day-

In the air, in the sky, in the water,

In the fire inside me, also

As a void in my heart.”

The Moment of Verdict

“As I try to regain control on my life,

It’s slowly slipping away.

Enough of this unending strife

How do I get away?

Trapped in this earthly body

Anticipating the better days

How long can I survive

With just water and air?

Soon, the time will arrive

The moment of verdict

I shall decide

Whether to go on living

With false hope- a life that’s a lie

Or to put an end to my agony

Once and for all.”

The Silent Cry

Stealthily walking around the enclosed room

Dressed in the handsomest clothes

Trying to corner me and have his way.

To take me to his palace of painless,

He has come.

I was promised my share of joy-

Small packets of happiness.

But was betrayed by you

I know not why.

You pushed me to the edge,

Left me unloved,

Wailing over the broken swear

I stood there all alone.

  

He may be dark and vicious,

No different than you.

Come right away and rescue me,

Before I come under his spells:

Never to return to you.

You may have broken promises ,

But never my heart.

I’m a flute, hollow inside

But has music within.

Waiting for you to create 

the lost melody of the past 

once again.

` 

Save me, Oh dear one

From my own sins.

 Before he engulfs me,

 Show me your face once:

So could see those eyes 

before I go.

I need you to hold me the last time

Before he pulls me away.

Away from you, from your presence

To the land of the dead

And the damned,

For all eternity.

A place to call my own

Sense of belongingness is something every human being craves for. Unless you belong somewhere or to somebody you are never complete. Normally, the place where you are born and brought up is the place you belong. The streets where you played as a child, the shops you would visit, the hawkers on the street, the locale of the school, the lonely tree- all these constitute the place you belong.

But what happens to a person who has nowhere to go, who has no place to call his?

I never felt that I belonged to the place I grew up in, Bangalore. Nor did I find solace in my birth place, also happens to be my father’s native, a small village in Karnataka. I was like a gypsy, a nomad with no place to call as mine. But, eventually I came to know how it feels to be belonged to somewhere. I found Mangalore.

Mangalore is a developing city in coastal Karnataka. It’s not as advanced as Bangalore, but for education, it’s a better choice. Unlike Goa, the beaches are not crowded with people you don’t know, with people who do not belong there. Mangalore can be his, who tries to strike a conversation with it, who strikes to look into its soul. Yes, amidst those Indian cities which are losing their old charms due to the new currents of modernization and development, Mangalore still has its soul.

It doesn’t mean that the city is not developing. It is, but in a different pace, in a different way. The people here have still not changed. If you talk to them, they respond you with all humility and modesty. You will find a friend in them or a long lost relative. One cannot get lost here, because you will always be found, by someone or the other and most often than not, by yourself.

Whenever I feel lost I just pack my bag and travel 400 kilometers to reach my destination- Mangalore. A weekend here refreshes me, rejuvenates me and prepares me for every challenge that life is going to offer me. Even if I go in the tourist season, I can escape into some place, which neither the tourists nor the tourism department has discovered. Even when I fail at this, I have the special ability to create my own world, my own hidden space though I’m surrounded with bustling streets and crowds.

Here, the waves of the ocean talk to me, the sand dunes amaze me with their volatility, and the breeze brings me the smell of the mud from the nearby village. My mother too studied here and she belongs to the same district, if not the city. This may also be the reason why I can relate to the city and call it my own.

So, here I am sitting in front of my PC letting my thoughts go haywire. But my heart is in the place where I belong.

General Public’s Republic day

Today is my country’s 62^nd Republic day. Hence, India is in a mood of celebration. All newspapers are buzzing with the news of the annual parade that takes place in New Delhi on the Rajpath near India Gate.

Today, We played host to one of the most beautiful prime ministers of the world, Mrs.Yingluck Shinawatra. She seemed to enjoy the parade and those colourful tableaus representing different states and ministries showcasing the rich culture, heritage and the recent progress of this amazing country.  

All the national holidays make me very nostalgic. There was a time when every household in India used to sit together and watch the annual parade without batting their eye-lids. India used to come together and unite as one single entity. Shedding their regional identities, prejudices, idiosyncrasies- we used to become ‘Indians’.

Now, in this post-liberalization era people have so many choices that parade as a whole is no longer relevant. Most prefer to watch the special marathons in Star World, new movies in HBO than watching the parade. Now it is seen as the older generation’s dish who like to reminisce the days of their lives.

I do not belong to that generation. I’m just 20, yet I prefer watching parade over those movies and sitcoms any day. I love my country and I’m proud to be Indian. I don’t mind skipping few episodes of How I met your mother and The Big Bang Theory to watch my country come alive.

On a lighter note, I loved my state’s Tableaux today! It showcased an art form called ‘Bhoota kola’ exclusive to the coastal region of Karnataka. Amazing it was! (Hope, I’m not being too regionalistic! *winks*)

Once again to all my fellow Indians Happy Republic day!


(Image courtesy : http://cool-collections-cool.blogspot.com/2012/01/republic-day-of-india-and-indian-flag.html)

The Missing One

                                          It was a day

                                          like any other,

                                          He rose on time

                                          Caressed my cheek with

                                          Those golden

                                           feathers

                                           Of his.

                                           Yet, something was

                                           Amiss.

                                           Well, there’s

                                           a void

                                           In my soul.

                                           Everyday,

                                           I Smile, I sing, I Cry, 

                                           I Curse, I Bless, I Pray

                                           I Drink, I Repent, I Atone

                                           I sway to the melody

                                           I dance to the tune

                                           Yet, the void

                                           Intact.

                                           Where is the light?

                                           Where are those

                                           Guiding beacons?

                                           Tell me,

                                           Where to go

                                           How to search

                                           The thing that fills

                                           The void.

                                           The thing which

                                           Completes me.

The Wishing Well

                                                              

                                Standing on the brink

                                Overlooking the land
                                Of eternal peace

                                Weighing my options,

                                Oblivious to the world

                                Around me.

                                How I wish somebody

                                Could pull me back

                                Save me from the

                                Impending doom,

                                How I wish

                                I could explain this

                                Hollowness of Heart,

                                How I wish I could

                                Endure.

A journey cut-short

    I love children. Perhaps its because they are in a point of their life where there’s nothing much to worry. They are carefree, innocent. All that I crave for, is embodied in them. Once, I had promised myself that I would never lose my innocence. But life is not so kind.

  Whenever I see children, especially those tiny tots below 4 years of age, I can’t help but myself be pulled towards them, something like gravity of sorts. I love their laugh, I love their smile, I love how easily they trust people. Even someone like me who is very reserved can be irresistibly drawn towards them. May be because they are non-judgemental and unaffected by the outside world...yet. 

So, when I heard about this NGO, Teach for India is visiting our college, looking for potential fellows, I thought ‘why not attend the presentation?’  I already had somewhat vague idea about what I’m going to do after my graduation, but teaching?!  Nope, never. I could see their vision and understand their objectives and aspirations. So, I thought, even if I’m not going to apply for the fellowship the least I could do is to attend their presentation. So, I went.

But after their presentation, I started seeing the picture more clearly. The inequity in India’s education sector seemed more relevant now.  There are many under-privileged schools which do not have qualified English teachers. Students have great potential, but they need teachers, mentors to equip them to face the real world. It’s hard to accept for a country with ‘n’ no. of languages, but it is true that English is inevitable in today’s globalized world. And I have been given a chance. I am not sure whether I can pass through their careful selection process (apparently only 8% of total applicants get selected as fellows, so you can imagine the rest!) which includes many yardsticks like Group Discussions, Interviews to gauge the applier’s ability, yet I could do my bit by attempting.

It’s been three months and I still haven’t made up my mind, the forth deadline being Jan 22^nd. I’m quite sure that if I apply I’ll get selected. But the problem is its duration. 2 years is a lot of time for me. I can leave my home and can stay in the places which may not be as “comfortable” as my current living situations. That’s not a problem.  I was born in a typical Indian middle class family. And I have seen my family growing and reaching to the point where we are today, one of the few fortunate upper-middle class families. So, I have no qualms about such challenges. But, 2 years is too much for me. They insist that 2 years is necessary for a fellow to bring about the changes they wish for in the school. I understand their concerns. But am I ready for this?

I’m 20 and like every 20-year old I have my own dreams. I want to stand on my own financially, I want to learn as much as possible, I want to go abroad to UK or US to study, I want to travel the world. I want to see things, I want to experience them. I want to be a journalist, I want to write. Don’t you think in this elaborate plan of mine, can I afford missing two years in an unknown city teaching 3^rd graders?  Once I enter the education sector do you think that I can vouch for myself to keep my journalistic dream alive?

I’m torn. I want to work for the betterment of my country, but I can’t.  Of late, our economic condition isn’t favourable. I have a feeling that I may have to take up some work soon. Very soon..Though my folks deny it and say that we are in quite comfortable situation, I cannot deny the reality.

Am I a bad person? More than anyone, I have experienced the trauma of lacking the proficiency in the English language. Yet, I’m letting the children, citizens of tomorrow down. Who am I? When did I become so self-centred? The Avanija Saket I knew would always think about others first. She was always there for others.  I think I lost her in the way to adulthood.  Life in general, some incidents in particular, have taken a toll on her over-all well being. She hardly trusts people. Now, here is somebody who is in her body. A walking dead body, without any values, scarred by the harshness of life.

Yet, I know she is somewhere there, deep inside. Waiting to be awakened. This is her call. I know, I’ll do my bit to the society in my way. This is not the first one and it won’t be the last. On my journey towards my destiny to achieve my full potential, I’ll be presented with many more such opportunities which I hope to embrace with a full heart, without guilt.

Happy New year everyone!

This is my first blog post of the year. Because of prior commitments, I could not write anything. Moreover, it’s not like someone is desperately waiting for my post you know!

So, it is a new year and it’s a special year, because people are desperate to see whether all the “end-of-the-world” predictions are got to be true or not. I’m least bothered about these things as I believe that Death is certain and it may strike us in a way least expected and it’s futile to predict its arrival.

People ask me, what is your resolution this year? And I don’t know what to tell them. I have never seriously considered about taking up a resolution simply for the sake of it, as most of us rarely stick to it. Whenever you are determined to do something, don’t take up that as a resolution, because you are more likely to lose interest in that particular thing. So, its better you don’t include that in your New Year resolution list, because if you do, you will not have the hope of doing it someday. Resolutions kill that hope by making you believe that “As I did not stick to my resolution, I will never be able to do this”. At least, this is what happens to me!

So, don’t make resolutions but do everything you want to do! Happy New Year to all the people who visit my page! Enjoy and live in the moment!